Friday, January 16, 2009

Hullo! Hamas

IsraelHullo! Is this Hammas?
HamasWho is calling?
IsraelThis is Israel.
HamasWe recognize no-one by that name.
IsraelYou know the people you are fighting against
HamasOh! You mean the Zionist entity - we don't talk to you.
IsraelWhy not?
HamasBecause you are occupiers of our land and perscutors of the Muslim people.
IsraelSo why don't you hang up the phone?
HamasWe would if this were a real conversation. But since it is a figment of the Jew Lewin's imagination we know it will be understood as his construction of what we might say if we did not hang up the phone.
IsraelFair enough. Listen the UN wants us to establish a cease fire. We are happy to do this if you stop firing rockets and agree not to do so again. Then we can talk about normalizing relations between us.
HamasWe can't do that. We cannot stop firing rockets until you withdraw your troops and stop killing our innocent people.
IsraelInnocent people are dying only because you persist in firing your rockets and then put innocent people in military target places.
HamasOur people understand it is an honor to die defending our cause.
IsraelWell then how can we avoid killing innocent people?
HamasEasy, just stop attacking us.
IsraelBut how are we supposed to defend ourselves?
HamasYou cannot defend this illegitimate project of occupation. Sooner or later you will realize you must capitulate.
IsraelYou mean we must just surrender to you to kill us all.
HamasNot necessarily. You may live under the legitimate rule of Allah. You can even choose to embrace the one true creed of Islam.
IsraelYou do not talk for all of the Palestinians.
HamasSome of our brothers are misguided. They have set up unholy collaborative organizations.
IsraelWhat if these organizations agree to a cease fire, or to negotiations and the establishment of a two-state solution?
HamasWe may agree to go along for the time being. There is precendent for this in the words and actions of the Prophet. But in the end there is no place for a non-Muslim authority in this land.
IsraelIf we withdraw now will you stop the rockets?
HamasCertainly not. We will show the world how we have survived your agression. We will double the number of rockets.
IsraelWhat if we destroy all your rockets?
HamasWe will get more from Iran.
IsraelOK, thanks, nice talking to you.
HamasCall again any time.

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